While Kochan struggles from a fundamental difference between what he expects his romantic desires should be, and what impulses actually manifest, he still touches upon concepts that are universal in not only the search for love, but also in the development of platonic love, a concept which escapes our narrator even to the last page. The complexity of the emotions surrounding personal relationships are not something one can just intuit, but a cooperative puzzle requiring input from mentors and peers. It is also necessary to adopt the Adam Savage mentality that “Failure is ALWAYS an option,” and to understand that these failures are merely painful steps toward maturity and growth. Kochan finds that although he does not feel 'in love' with Sonoko, he feels at ease with her, as well as an intense pain at the idea of losing her. These feelings are the 'Braxton Hicks contractions' of the heart, often causing the confused owner of such sentiments to fall into a comfortable relationship based upon a fallacy. I have often worried whether my feelings toward a female in one relationship are suggesting the desire for a different relationship, that a current romantic relationship should be platonic or someone who was “just a friend” was meant to be more. Kochan makes a very apt observation that, “no relationship between a boy and a girl could ever remain just the same.” I think it is fair to say that his assumption that this quandary only occurs between members of opposing sexes is a fallacy derived from the society in which he found himself, and in fact the relationship between any two people will never stay exactly the same. Even inter-family relationships evolve over time, and it is important to acknowledge this so as not to be caught off-guard when these changes occur. He also realizes that is confluence of feelings can be exacerbated by the absence of another. While I find the phrase, “absence makes the heart grow fonder,” to be a typically inaccurate cliché, Kochan's realization that “A person who is separated from one by time and space takes on an abstract quality,” seems much more accurate. This leaves the exaggerated image to go in either a positive or negative direction. Unrequited love can grow uncontrollable, or be transferred to the wrong person, if left unchecked. When this transference occurs, the original target of affection must become something else, something less. All of these truths seem to speak universally to any interpersonal relationship, and in this way I feel that both the narrator shows himself to be capable of one day understanding the intricacies of intimacy, though that day may not come for quite some time.
Ha! Very nice Abe, “'Braxton Hicks' of the heart”, I love it. This blog brought to mind the old argument of, women cannot be friends with men. This 'rule' rings true even in a situation in which the man is pretending to be straight. To the reader Kochan is obviously gay, however he is putting on the mask of a straight man which leads Sonoko to feel immense guilt upon their secret meetings. In the time that the two had known each other, the only physical interaction that they had shared was a kiss, a lonely little kiss throughout the courting. Yet Sonoko still feels that she has done wrong by her husband to meet another man for dinner and conversation. It was argued in class that Sonoko may have been involved in an emotional affair with Kochan. This is bothersome to me because the conversations were not so important to Kochan that he ever allowed the reader's involvement. The things that he found important were revealed to us, Sonoko's eyes, piano playing, and face, were described in detail, but the only passing conversations that the reader was entitled too was that of the discussion of books, her desire of Kochan to promise marriage, and Sonoko's fear of her wrongdoing. I believe that these two innocents could have become close friends had Sonoko had an inclination to Kochan's sexuality, however because of Sonoko's disillusion, they are unable to be friends and Kochan has lost a rare chance of friendship and love.
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